I gave your body, but you forget to give me love, (a)

 I gave your body, but you forget to give me love
(a)
no one will think of at the beginning of the end. We laugh, we both did not expect, these so-called love, career, life had very much like the air flow through the fingers. thin and easily.
seen the night blooming flowers, possession of a good time to read the morning did not sing, read life parting one after another. By now you , you, can you tell me, do not sing these songs sung, did not flow through the flow of tears, love never to have loved the people, whether it's guarding is also no regrets in my life. < br> 24 years old. I came to the southern city. I love this city, material displacement, colorful.
many cases, smoke, do not speak, look at the sky light up slowly.'s 3:00 am when I will wake up a lot of that time I would dream of things past. once proud, once loved, once the efforts of dreams. they are intertwined, beyond recognition. I will be standing at the window. smoke a two cigarettes.
up when the dawn I will fall asleep. or to no longer sleep, it's that little bit of time looking through my eyes, through my fingers.
His hand upon me deliberately walk. I smile, do not speak, eyes hollow. and then we ****. my cold hands and feet, nude to take a bath, do not look at her body.'s body like a flower and snake the same disgusting.
I was his woman. A middle-aged man near fifty. when he wanted me, I will basically meet him. he had had many lovers. and now.
I was his lover. I told him to Pharaoh.
no one knows, looks pure and beautiful I'm such a status. I smile, like a child's innocence. old Wang said the first time I saw you laugh, they want you. like a girl, so pure, so that people want. I laugh, do not speak.
young body against his body , with no thought of passion. nearly fifty men, while young athletes, but after all, had too many years, but not soft, flexible body.
he said, you want to work for my company, do not want to go to work at home. He gave me money, sometimes I get, sometimes I do not get. I know that he really liked me. But he limited my freedom too much. too much.
Sometimes I will be the Internet. see themselves did in college literary website to see men who have been pouring out from his text. they are warm and beautiful. they are distant and vague. little chat at the line, year-round stealth. But I know I am lonely. sometimes need to vent, will a person go to bars, drinking, dancing. pale face, long brown hair, soft waist, covered with spines like a cold bug, sharp rejection out all the invitations and strike up a conversation. I know, I'm not qualified woman. do not want to own too much trouble.
Pharaoh wanted a son, he said he inherited a large fortune is not a person. He put his hand on my the lower abdomen, he said, I'm looking for a smart, beautiful woman, I was born a son he did not get, and then I met you. He laughed, and I want you for my birth to a son. and then he pressed up. He said that if a son, give me what you want.
what I want?
do not know, now I am the person for life is nothing to fear. because they do not know what to lose, what Also anxious to get something. Every time he said, I laughed, and then I would look at him, I said, I do not want. I do not want to son.
warmth that spread throughout the room and was buried in heart. no direction.
(b)
everyone will meet at different times to different people, some fleeting, but some people, but you will leave traces. those marks, In the passage of time will be more grinding in the more sober. never disappear.
insomnia later slept in the past. out of the window start the next lot of rain, did not turn on the lights, standing at the window to smoke. empty room, I naked into the room inside to wear clothing to wear, like a fish without sound. this cold winter weather.
Pharaoh called the night before, he said, a big party today, you and me go.
I said, oh. That night you came to pick me.
hung up the phone I had no sleep. Start insomnia.
days finally light up. I put the black tape yarn group, layer by layer of black yarn, from inside to outside, unexpected and beautiful, the neck without any decoration. a little bit of pale skin, thin collarbone, I looked at himself in the mirror, the beauty and care. makeup, I like the transparent makeup. wearing a black coat. warm squeeze from all over, I smiled again, satisfied smile, how warm. I know that Pharaoh is not what you want to take me to the banquet, the men all love to show off the animals. This evening, I know, he is most jealous of.
from dinner when there is an afternoon. on the road hit the car to a nearby coffee shop recently, I think Where can I take a break, you can hear where the girl's finger with a clean beat of the music on the keyboard.
in the car, I looked at my fingers. pale and small, pointed fingers. I suddenly remembered that I would play the piano. and then I laughed, and wavefront flow. I said, Master, you drive carefully.
I like the cafe on the left bank. I like the simple and clean big sofa, sitting going down is very warm. to a cup of Cappuccino. the people to ease off. close your eyes. the air with faint aroma of the flowers.
man dark and clean, single fold, short hair, very pretty lips. He was wearing baggy jeans and a beige coat. smile mouth have some of the laugh lines, this is my favorite lip. He came and told me, miss.
Well? me laugh. I know I came in he started to notice me. In my diagonal position, it should be about the work done, and looked up when I saw him on the seat were gone. Then I saw him smile to me, he came over.
He stood across from me, grass scent floating in the air.
What can I sit down?
course. I was half leaning against the sofa, because before he came for a while, I started want to sleep. such a polite man, such a handsome young man, I certainly do not mind him sitting opposite me.
he said, about the work done, relax. Oh ~ He smiled. You seem very sleepy. < br> I also smiled. do not speak.
he was handing me business cards, five seconds after I took down. I saw his eyes flash of embarrassment. At that time I was thinking, this man will not leave traces. Five seconds later I'm sure it will not, I took over his business card.
I said, sorry, I did not card, no exchange, so I hesitated a moment.
deeper he laughed, laugh lines swing in the mouth.
raining large.
laugh lines that have a shallow man, young man, he told me his name was Ming, he said today he had just changed jobs, switched to another company . He said I'm glad to meet.
me laugh, still do not speak. I will not look at him, and I saw him more distress. quick four points, I said, you have something to go. I et al.
he shocked a bit. got up and then sit down, asked me to leave a phone Why?
I burst out laughing, he laughed. and then I sit up, I asked him, is When can not call you? he astonished, and then he nodded heavily, and said, Yes, I will not shut down.
I said, OK. and then made no remarks.
He called the waiter back pay, and then went away. I did not watch his back, I do not think is necessary.
I crumpled the card goes on the ashtray. I laugh, sparkling eyes full of laughter. I are not allowed to contact a class of people. The third cigarette, and I began to cough. the phone rang.
Where are you? no one at home. Pharaoh's voice.
left bank near me. You to.
I went out smoke, looking at the card. Then I take it out flat. ****, the phone memory the names of the 135, Min. and then I stood up, go outside waiting for his car.
his car is easy to recognize, import, license plate is personalized license plate. on the train when I saw his mouth smile. proud smile.
flash of hatred in mind.
(c)
into the banquet hall when the warm hospitality of the people fear the man, his exaggerated smile, Wang, Come, come, sign words. Then he looked at me and said to come to sign a secretary. and then whispered word, you signed to send you a gift.
me smile, do not speak. Tunxia jacket. went straight into the banquet hall.
I followed the old Wang look back about two feet. I am the end of his head, I do not want people notice me.
Oh, Wang, Come, come, sit here. a man's voice, very very swagger. I looked up and saw A dozen yellow tie man, I know him, his company in the Pharaoh's next door, often play cards with him. He surnamed Wu. lecherous and cowardly man.
I sat down, Pharaoh sat next to me, He did Pharaoh side. a night, he look at me, he said, Wang, how do you find such a secretary? you give me some tips, OK? how good are you experienced? said this When he did not see Pharaoh, he looked at me. He went on to say, so many years, the money thing is that many, but no you Pharaoh chic ah. the house empty house with no sudden I ah hh
unprecedented nausea up. I stood up, gently shaking the exposed collarbone. I smile, I said, Mr. Wu, it seems that I did not give you a toast, so you always open my boss a joke. I stood in the past, standing between him and Pharaoh, I said, I respect you a glass, you're welcome out. Having finished my a whole. wine just go blazing heart ache. Yu, I saw this man's eyes stopped at the my chest. eyeful of greed.
almost all of the people at this table and the Pharaoh no business dealings, they are his players out. Almost every day, play cards together, talk about women. this table of people, many of gold are bad heart. I continue to smile, then I'm barking at the table said, I said, we rarely gather together, usually are busy,UGGs, the king will not be drinking, I respect you with our boss, and just respect the 吴总, we say that I am afraid of unfair treatment, and now I give you pour the wine, I hope the new year you are hot business.
I saw the Pharaoh of the surprised expression on his face, he did not know that I will drink, nor know I can say. smile on his face and proud glance in my eyes.
drink, the head began to faint. I sat down and laughed laughed.
I know that still insist on , dinner is over, these people still have to play cards. But I was really tired and sleepy.
poker room on the 12th. go to the toilet when the Pharaoh, that conspire to me suddenly surnamed Wu, who sound pressure at the end asked me how much money a month you Pharaoh?
I looked at him, did not speak. wavefront flow. I knew well enough to know, in the eyes of these men, I was a pretty plaything, and the same for everybody.
he went on, I'll give you double him, you hh
Wang came out, his words, however, only Karma. Pharaoh laughed, saying, 吴总, you and my secretary said, what?
I laughed and said, 吴总 that your body is good. finished I walked over and helped him put the money out from the clothes. They play cards have a custom, do Xianba Qian out, in front of everyone inventory of good face.
million eight thousand. I said, and then I gave Pharaoh. He looked at me, touch my hand and said, you took me to pull over a chair, sit here. He pointed to side.
this way, I have to sit 12 o'clock.
a house full of tired to climb. home already one more. a bath I'm going to rest. He saw the living room at. I said, how not to go, your wife just do not have to play you in a What?
Pharaoh looked at me, hold me stand up. I did not hide, but chest pain tearing up. He said, said in my ear this evening for those who want your phone to call you did not?
I said, no.
he suddenly happy, hands in my chest. I gently close my eyes. I think I'll have to take a bath.
he lasted a long time, as if to be tired, I'm sad to cry, but I have no expression. I know that he was happy. This is my sad self tragedy. I can not, because I clearly know that left him, I can not survive.
quick three, he was ready to go. up when he was let go. his hand on my delay in the body to get open. Then he pumped from the clothes out of a pile of money. down, he said, today you Zhenguai. and then under his head, and I avoid him, I said, go back to it, phone calls explosion the.
do not love, I insist on not kissing.
So Pharaoh never kiss to me. ridiculous insistence.
looked up when the black, depressed people can not breathe. closes, crying quietly.
(d)
and washed for a long time. five o'clock I went back to bed, for a new bed sheets and quilt.
smoke. continued smoking . My voice began to intense pain.
I took out my phone, no one can play to callers. tears.
give him a call when the past is in 5:40, he sound vague and warmth. I said, you said, any time you call.
his voice suddenly clear, he said, what do you want? Call now.
you, but remember me? I suddenly found myself silly. perhaps people just forgot it. Like me, if it does not turn the phone records of the sensitivity, how would he call.
he said, did not forget, your people the terrible cold, deep impact, a short time be forgotten. the phone, his voice a little rustle, a warm feeling. He said, you are awake or not sleep?
I suddenly choked. asked him, I said, you have a girlfriend?
had. He said about three years, broke up six months ago. She is now someone's wife.
decent his lovely voice. I suddenly laugh I said, you is not good for her What?
No, it is probably great, so she can be so naughty. do people actually his wife. He laughed.
I suddenly found the joke not funny, but sad. I'm sorry. You break it, I do not bother you.
you, okay? He carefully.
not to say that looking for the session. Good night. I hung up the phone. lie down I saw out the window began to light up the sky a little. I close my eyes. daybreak, said good night.
I placed my hand on the heart of persistent pain. I think really should not drink. I started to close my eyes. Tears do not care.
out of the hospital, I forget the umbrella. The city of rain, from the winter to not stop. The doctors say can no longer drink.
some body is always false . coupled with the recent severe insomnia. I'm going to rest. really want to have a good rest.
got into this shop did not think too much. can not rain, you can not get sick.
phone is ringing. not know the number. I ask you, Who?
side of the phone burst out laughing, sounds familiar. beauty, forget me? so fast?
Oh, 吴总 ah. you had to ask him hh how do you know my phone. I suddenly felt asking redundant. no say anything. something Mody, 吴总? I asked him what to do with him more than something to do. He even worse than Pharaoh.
he laughed. and then suddenly very seriously, last night I tell you how the conditions like? can consider, you told me a year to run the car I gave you the house. But before we go to the hospital with me to be a thorough examination. Other money, I said, is the Pharaoh twice. but. he said, with me, you more than it is now not free.
paused. He went on to say, I'm sorry scary, and to you that in the channel. told me a year. okay?
thought, I laughed. said, 吴总, do not misunderstand, I think that you've never been. I'm making good, and I no matter how kind the. Please do not say so after, you and play cards every day, Pharaoh, so good.
I think he urgency. His voice was clear, he said, I am sorry not know that the evil of what is to you. Where are you? my car over, I talk to you face to face.
I suddenly stupid to live. The man, from the first saw him at the table, I for fear of his eyes. I thought we would swallow life as students.
where? he asked.
I looked at the rain, I think, and he said it so clearly. By the way can go back.
hung up the phone, I thought. I would like to say no and the Pharaoh, he is a stingy person. more less attitude.
tread the car came very fast, I waited five minutes no . white BMW, very clean. Unfortunately, bad car good.
I get on, he took hold of me. My face fell. I said, Mr. Wu, you listen to me. I'm fine I never thought to how to. Pharaoh also nice to me. So, I ask you do not say this is the case since. Today it was so, I do not want to mention. okay?
I looked at him smile. I think, I mean he should be very clear. He pulled my cell door. do not say a word. with the fastest open the door. get off, I did not say goodbye. I want to, but no matter whether the.
I trotted to the four units. the sky dark. suddenly come in front of a car, the lights bright. rise to the Pharaoh of cars. I do not know the ten seconds my mind was thinking. stand in the rain forward, then slowly upstairs, open the door.
livid face with come.
I just door. had time to put down the package. his ears over the pumping force. I fell down powerless. just wanted to say good something, the mind suddenly went blank. sinful. I think this is retribution.
he said, sharp eyes,UGG boots cheap, you think you or a person? You are my, gonna find the future such a thing,UGG boots clearance, I want you to look good.
cool wooden floor in winter. I sit up, no tears. I hear my voice, cold. I said, I did not find him, he to me, and I turned him down. so. If you want to explain, I think I said. If you do not believe you can not go out after contact me.
finished after I got up. Take a deep breath. in breathing. I think I too cold, I should go to the open air.
sudden sharp pain in the chest up. the air becomes a bit thin. my big mouth breathing.
eyes suddenly dark.
(e)
body feel the ground more and more light. I woke up and saw Pharaoh sat next to me. He holds my hand, very hard. He said, you should eat something. I believe you, that's already named Wu not a good person.
the end of his head down. goes a wrinkled face in front of me to enlarge. I instinctively turned away. he suddenly angry, and growled the bottom end, what have you been hiding?
and then pressed his body up. Close your eyes. feeling numbness.
people sometimes hate yourself, you can do anything they own.
him out of bed, I saw him a slight bulging belly. What are unable to speak. He said, today I came by to get you with Cordyceps sinensis, people send me, your body is weak, eat good.
down the stairs from the car and then he took out the box of things, put on the table. closed the voice sounded the silent tears fall down.
I turned up,UGG bailey button, thinking about going to take a bath. break out in front of the stars. a lot of stars.
I would faint .
woke up two points is the middle of the night. I suddenly felt very hungry. But I do not know what to eat, my mind empty. I opened the refrigerator, a lot of frozen food. open cupboard, also thought to eat The.
I curl up on the sofa, I want something hot.
I sat quiet for a long time. and then to the Ming to play the last call.
his voice is hazy, he asked, Hello , Which? how not to speak?
I paused, I said, I am.
Oh, he laughed, how do you call time every time so well? again so I have to consider whether or not to 24 hours boot the. how? He asked me.
I suddenly have tears come out. I said, I'm hungry, I can not sleep. you can not eat with me.
not the sound side of the phone suddenly I took the receiver a long wait. and a lot of crushing the voice call is picked up, he said, I got dressed, I come pick you up? or do you say where to eat again.
I did not realize he was so straightforward . at once stunned and speechless, laughing. I would like to take home downstairs is always bad. Then I said, wait for me at the Xinhua intersection. I think I went up to five minutes.
then I got up, in the closet, picked one small piece of white shirt, pink skirt. to go out when surrounded by a red scarf.
high boots my foot on the ground. night I hear my footsteps crisp. I the curly hair readily rolled up. I'm dating another man, in this deep of the night. this is not it should be.
Ming's car, a white sunny, sit in, thick white chair fluff cushion. He looked at me and said, in fact, you do not make look better, pure like a student.
I looked at the car, I said, we eat hot pot. know very well to know, and He can not exchange too much. But in this deep of the night, I can not find a people who eat with me. frustrated with tears streaming did not qualify.
eat hot pot, he has been looked at me and laugh. He said that you eat slowly, do not put so much hot. Do you think you are hot tears came out. how like a child?
my tears came out. But I did not feel hot. I have to eat, do not speak . at last I tired to eat. I looked at him, eyes red, I said, Ming, you believe in love Why?
he suddenly astonished. I do not speak half a million miles to speak to the . Then he looked at me, I believe. I believe.
I laughed, tears of laughter out. I said, the men believe in love? 28-year-old man who still believe in love. I hope you can find their own love. I looked at him, to raise their hands in the cup.
mouth of the laugh lines he suddenly disappeared. He looked at me and said, then, also you Why?
I looked at him. He said, I mean, I can find you Why?
I got up, I said, we should go. I'm sleepy.
sitting in his car, I am stressing each syllable, not to find me, Do not I have any questions and speculation. and will bring hesitate, and you can not have. Then I looked back at him, his eyes, I said, I do not believe in love.
and then I get off. Back place to live, I did not turn on the lights, take a hard pillow of tears, quietly.
In fact, I do not like Ming. I cry, just because I sad. sad. because I would have lost the freedom to love of one's power. even cry, I think I is not qualified to loud heartily.
then, I like to sleep in the past.
(VI)
quietly at home, like a fish after a a few days. body a little better.
rare to see the sun in winter. This day the sun well out of the afternoon when I wanted to go out, the mood gradually better. to go out when I looked at the phone, I think old King should not come to me. approaching New Year, his company busy lately. but every day to see me again. every day.
I want to buy their own clothes, new clothes.
clothes I like OTT , simple and generous. store lady saw me smiling, I smile. She said, Hsiao Ke beauty, our new again, this style is right for you. Her voice was soft, brought out from behind a long dress in black and white stripes, a little taste of Italy. I'm still laughing off his coat to try. And then I said, with trousers, do not try, and model, you know, all wrapped up now. She turned to find a look, show me back and said, this boot pants with the shirt on, put on after the particular temperament of the body. I said yes. then. she said, clothes 2880 yuan, 856 yuan pants, a total of 3736. Cash or charge?
cash. I said, I took out of that pile of money to the Pharaoh, the number of four thousand for her. you go and I paid it. I suddenly feel very tired. the counter Miss all know me, they were all simply know that I buy clothes in particular, over only five minutes. they were all laughing at me, but after I left their counters, they will say something, who knows? In fact, in my It seems as if fatigued, I see the same any clothes to wear on me is always the same. did not look good, nor very pretty. So, like people, to see how I'm all good, good or bad worth mentioning. are the same. Shunpian Mai from the department store when the two boxes out of the new Shu Uemura eye shadow. pale blue and pale pink.
happens to be lunch time. cellphone ringing. I hesitated for a long time , and then looked at, is Ming. the more he dinner. I said yes. it was a small restaurant around.
these days, he sent several messages every day. The men believe in love, six months ago and love his girlfriend of five years, he came to this city for her, but his girlfriend has married a wealthy family man. Sometimes at night I will give him phone, Ming said, really, Hsiao Ke, I used to love This woman, I gave up in Guangzhou for her high-paying job. I came to this city to start, but she gave me a invited. I laughed, I said, believe in love man, hope you can find another real love.
sometimes noon, he had more than an hour of rest. he will give me a call, then told me jokes. a kind of time when I would suddenly retreat feeling good I like the freedom to choose love girl. I believe that Ming have a question on my life, but he never asked, have never intentionally talking about.
as these, I am willing to exchange his light down. there is no burden. And my hope is that he can find true love him, like that woman. then quiet life.
far to see the way he was waiting at the hotel. clear and mild. eyes like a dark blue velvet. saw him, I suddenly felt my heart the tide of retreat time. heart gentle sorrow and grief, breathing gently.
food packages is very simple, very happy. I then increased, I told him I had won a literary prize, tell him I love the most profound one, and told him the first time after I graduated from college to work hard hh
He is very quiet, has a smile. Finally, he said, then, Hsiao Ke You have not told me, you are now living. you, too, okay?
I suddenly stunned and speechless. straightened, I started up cold. looking at the hands of the spoon, gently, I said , Do not I have a question and speculation. Why can not remember my words?
I walked out without looking back. sound is heard his voice, and innocent, with a little bit of failure, I just want to know more you a little bit, because I got used to think of you every day.
acute heart slowly up and shrunk to a small piece of the pain, can not touch, touch is that the pain is intense. I can not turn back, do not know fear, behind the man, I'm afraid I will fall in love with him. stopped ten seconds, my deep breath, and then gone. tears of loss of temperature.
reproduced